Of This and That ....
Once in a while this post comes back ... because there is no specific topic to write about but a mix of many small small things. Why do the best of thoughts and ideas come at a time when I cannot pen (sorry key) them down. I almost wrote the entire blog in my mind while cycling back today and now cant recall a single word of it ! Arghhh!
Yesterday was one of those days that came after a long long time in my life - when I just did not feel like doing a single single thing - could have sat a wrote this then - but just could not life my pen (oops sorry press a key down).
Life has been whizzing past with various milestones happening, some being jotted down hurriedly in the book of memories, some just lost in dusted pages of my own brain.
My dad has always hated me listening to bollywood songs , but I have always felt that my life has been connected with just those songs in one way or the other - or maybe I made the connection myself. Can't say - the mind is such a curious toy.
Mind - for the past one year or so - this has been the most prominent topic in my life. From talks with my friend R to my boss M and my own hubby - this one crops up every time - Mind - do we control it or does it control us ? What is this thing called Mind? I started to read the book suggested by M (and left it halfway - what is it with me and self improvement/ self help books - i just cant seem to be finishing them) - Untethered Soul - a very good read , when I got into the mood, it talks entirely about how the Mind as an entirely different 'being' which is totally seperate from us and how it causes us to do the things that we do and dont want do and think and dont want to think. The book hubby has been behind me to read also talks of the same - What to tell yourself when you talk to yourself. The same concept was spoken by Loiuse Hay - who i got in 'touch' with 4 years ago through - You can heal yourself. But why am I not able to grasp it ? Why am I not able to master it ? The concept is just so simple. I can control what I think ! I can make my life just the way I want it - all it takes is a very very small and simple change - the way I think. Why is it so hard ? No answer ! Is it just my stubborness to getting a better life and getting out of the self pity pool that I am so comfortable in wallowing in like a hippo?
Today was a milestone. I cycled all by myself to Malleswaram and back. It felt ... sort of liberating .. It was just me , my music , my thoughts , my reflections of what I saw on the road ... Ever since I became an adult, I always wanted my soul mate .. Amma always berated me for wanting that one individual who would be my other half and how I would share every single thought in my head with that person. Maybe I was wrong after all - one does not really need that one person to be 'happy'. I dont know ... Does one need ? Too many confused thoughts!
Couple of weeks ago hubby left his old workspace and it was a GREAT affair. I cannot put in words - but it felt as if a catastrophic event. So many people affected by his leaving, so many tears at his farewell - it was unlike anything I had ever seen or heard of. Coming back home after the party , alone , I reflected and wondered - I had been part of his journey - every single step - I knew every single person in his life , every single step of his career , every single work person he interacted with ... Where was my journey ? Did I somehow conveniently hide behind the facade of a mother and wife and shirk off the responsibilities of my own life's journey ? Did I use that excuse and never actually think of my own life - my own "growth" (whatever that means - I have never been able to figure it out actually). I dont know ...
Amazon music has been the latest music addition in our lives and what a wonderful addition it has been ... I just love its playlists. Long long ago , I wrote a post about how I can associate a person with every song that i listen to , or a memory. That still holds good... A good friend P is leaving the firm.. We share many memories associated with songs.. especially 'Ae dil hain mushkil'... It will be nearly impossible to listen to 'Ae dil hain mushil" or "Channa mereya' and not get reminded of that CE outing when he switched the songs that were playing to 'Ae dil hain mushkil' and caught my eyes and gave that knowing smile that we shared something special :) ...
Sometimes I wonder if all of these memories are special only for me, or do those people who I associate these with also think of me at times. Why should I care ? I write the story of my life only right ? Dont' I ? Like Krishna says in Gita - I should just keep doing my Karma..
I dont think I ever mentioned this here. 'Enna Sona' - this is one song that I want to be in somebody's memory - somebody's memory of me - I want somebody to me thinking only and only of me when this song plays ... I know for sure R doesn't .. how much he makes fun of me when I ask him to sing this song for me.. he goes like 'aaarrrgggh! can we change the song?' ... ha ha ha .....
Ciao for now ..
Yesterday was one of those days that came after a long long time in my life - when I just did not feel like doing a single single thing - could have sat a wrote this then - but just could not life my pen (oops sorry press a key down).
Life has been whizzing past with various milestones happening, some being jotted down hurriedly in the book of memories, some just lost in dusted pages of my own brain.
My dad has always hated me listening to bollywood songs , but I have always felt that my life has been connected with just those songs in one way or the other - or maybe I made the connection myself. Can't say - the mind is such a curious toy.
Mind - for the past one year or so - this has been the most prominent topic in my life. From talks with my friend R to my boss M and my own hubby - this one crops up every time - Mind - do we control it or does it control us ? What is this thing called Mind? I started to read the book suggested by M (and left it halfway - what is it with me and self improvement/ self help books - i just cant seem to be finishing them) - Untethered Soul - a very good read , when I got into the mood, it talks entirely about how the Mind as an entirely different 'being' which is totally seperate from us and how it causes us to do the things that we do and dont want do and think and dont want to think. The book hubby has been behind me to read also talks of the same - What to tell yourself when you talk to yourself. The same concept was spoken by Loiuse Hay - who i got in 'touch' with 4 years ago through - You can heal yourself. But why am I not able to grasp it ? Why am I not able to master it ? The concept is just so simple. I can control what I think ! I can make my life just the way I want it - all it takes is a very very small and simple change - the way I think. Why is it so hard ? No answer ! Is it just my stubborness to getting a better life and getting out of the self pity pool that I am so comfortable in wallowing in like a hippo?
Today was a milestone. I cycled all by myself to Malleswaram and back. It felt ... sort of liberating .. It was just me , my music , my thoughts , my reflections of what I saw on the road ... Ever since I became an adult, I always wanted my soul mate .. Amma always berated me for wanting that one individual who would be my other half and how I would share every single thought in my head with that person. Maybe I was wrong after all - one does not really need that one person to be 'happy'. I dont know ... Does one need ? Too many confused thoughts!
Couple of weeks ago hubby left his old workspace and it was a GREAT affair. I cannot put in words - but it felt as if a catastrophic event. So many people affected by his leaving, so many tears at his farewell - it was unlike anything I had ever seen or heard of. Coming back home after the party , alone , I reflected and wondered - I had been part of his journey - every single step - I knew every single person in his life , every single step of his career , every single work person he interacted with ... Where was my journey ? Did I somehow conveniently hide behind the facade of a mother and wife and shirk off the responsibilities of my own life's journey ? Did I use that excuse and never actually think of my own life - my own "growth" (whatever that means - I have never been able to figure it out actually). I dont know ...
Amazon music has been the latest music addition in our lives and what a wonderful addition it has been ... I just love its playlists. Long long ago , I wrote a post about how I can associate a person with every song that i listen to , or a memory. That still holds good... A good friend P is leaving the firm.. We share many memories associated with songs.. especially 'Ae dil hain mushkil'... It will be nearly impossible to listen to 'Ae dil hain mushil" or "Channa mereya' and not get reminded of that CE outing when he switched the songs that were playing to 'Ae dil hain mushkil' and caught my eyes and gave that knowing smile that we shared something special :) ...
Sometimes I wonder if all of these memories are special only for me, or do those people who I associate these with also think of me at times. Why should I care ? I write the story of my life only right ? Dont' I ? Like Krishna says in Gita - I should just keep doing my Karma..
I dont think I ever mentioned this here. 'Enna Sona' - this is one song that I want to be in somebody's memory - somebody's memory of me - I want somebody to me thinking only and only of me when this song plays ... I know for sure R doesn't .. how much he makes fun of me when I ask him to sing this song for me.. he goes like 'aaarrrgggh! can we change the song?' ... ha ha ha .....
Ciao for now ..
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