Thursday, September 06, 2007


In conversation with my in-laws today morning, Amma gave us the ‘Disgusting’ piece of news – that J’s (J is the son of their family friend) wife is 2 months pregnant. Well, I am not the hard-hearted kind of person to hate kids and such “good” news – but why do I call this disgusting? Listen to J’s tale.

J came for vacation from the eternal mallu paradise “Gelf” (one of those Middle Eastern countries – any place in the Middle East is called “Gelf” in Mallu land) for about 45 days. Our wedding happened to fall in those 45 days. Exactly 20 days after our wedding, we got the news that J’s wedding was to be held in 2 days time – we were pleasantly surprised! Chat mangni Pat byah – we were not even aware that J was looking out for a bride. Ah! Well – all’s well that end’s well. He got married, stayed with his wife for what – 2 weeks and then flew back to his land of freedom!

Another 2 weeks later comes the news – she is Pregnant! Oh! Well – the boy ‘did his job’ right! Now there would be no pressure from anybody to take his wife to Gelf with him. “Intelligent Bloke”! While waiting for the kid to come out, the Mrs joined an MBA course in some god forsaken college in her mom’s place – Coimbatore. As soon as the baby was born, she handed it over to the dutiful in-laws in Mannarkkad (about 2 hours travel from Coimbatore) – and went back to her safety cocoon – the excuse was a perfect one – She is studying – the “poor girl!”. For about a year and a little more, the father (J) did not see his son – did he really care?. The mother was busy studying – she was to become the next CEO of the coconut factory that was to take Kerala by storm!

The kid grew blissfully unaware of his parents. The poor old in-laws – of course loved bringing up their grandson – despite aches and pains did all for the little kid.

For their second anniversary, J decided to be generous and sent for his kid and Mrs to join him in Gelf. We were there at J’s house when this news was shared with us. The in-laws were telling us that the Mrs was going to get ‘trained’ on how to handle her own son in a crash course of 15 days before she flew to Gelf. It was like the orientation session when you join a new work place – getting to know each other – Mom and son. Hopefully it must have gone well, for the next thing we heard was that by early June she was in Gelf.

After 2 years of marriage and a kid – the Mr. and Mrs. finally felt the need to spend life together. They must have visited Bodha Gaya!! Guess they did not like the joys of a family life – he got her pregnant and chucked her back to India again!

I just don’t get it. Why the hell did they get married? To just produce babies like hens produce eggs? India’s population is already high – it does not need your productive contribution!! People have babies – but don’t get married just for that reason. And if you do decide to have a kid, take some responsibility for it. Not just produce one, throw it off into your parents’ hands and have a ball of time.

What kind of maturity has been displayed by these two adults? It takes ages to get to know each other, plan and decide what you want to do with your future, take good and mature decisions that enable you to have a happy life. All they have spent together is probably 4-5 months ( in bits and pieces) – is that enough to make such big decisions as kids?

I may not be the epitome of the best life led of earth. I may have made many mistakes myself. But atleast I believe in the fact that ‘Quality’ in life is more important than ‘Quantity’. Marriage is not only about two people getting together, giving birth to an offspring and go about trudging thru life’s path. But yeah - all said and done - what is sauce for the goose is not sauce for the gander!


Gomathi Sarma said...

Thought about it for a while and it seems to me that these couple are not that bad after all. I know they are playing a mechanical life, but dont you think we are all mechanical someway or other.

I know a girl who got pregnant soon after their wedding, may be within 1st month or so. When the child was born after 9 months, they ended up in divorce. Wonder why - they were not prepared for a baby.

In your blod, I think the couple is accepting the outcome of whatever they are doing. And I think thats really the most important thing.

Vidhya Rajesh said...

$$ Gomes - It is not the fact that they are leading a mechanical life that irkes me. You are right we are all leading a sort of mechanical life only and there is no harm in choosing to have kids as soon as you get married.
The fact that irkes me most is - are they taking responsibility for their kids ? Is giving birth to a kid and leaving the 'baggage' at your parent's house taking responsibility?

Inca said...

Yes - leaving the kid entirely to grand parents bothers me too. that is bad - its the couple's kid and they should take care of it - not throw it to aged grandparents who needs a decent retired life which is balanced with rest, playing with grand kids, walking, sleeping etc...

Preethi said...

Have you heard of yet others who live in the "middle east" who have long distance relationships and visiting fathers for life.. i had aunts and uncles who lived this life... almost similar to being divorced and sending spousal/ child support and having visitation rights, except that the other parent would also be there, and they live together "happily?" as a family for all of 1 month in 2 years