Thursday, August 30, 2007

Blue Blue Blue ...

I am just so tired of feeling blue since about two weeks. Just nothing seems to be giving constant happiness (guess there is nothing of that sort). The Mr. has started saying amma's dialogue "Why do you have to overanalyze things so much? Why do you think that things have to be so special for you? People lead lives just like this . Wake up, eat , get ready , go to work, come back, cook, spend time with family and sleep. Why does this have to be so difficult for you?"

I don't know .... Sometimes I feel it is my own self who makes myself feel so miserable. I always have this "something missing" sort of feeling. What is it - I can never put my finger on it! Grr.... I am beginning to dislike my own self...

I am missing folks at home, missing my childhood, missing andhra , missing telugu, missing college.... just practically everything. Amma and appa who have gone back to india - don't exactly give me a comfort feeling of wanting to go there and 'settle' down. (I wonder - will we ever get 'settled' in life ? What is settling in the first place?) . And there seems to be no point - other than money and a personal comfort life - here. But are those two things not the most important in life ? I don't know ...

A friend of mine - could say - ex-friend - called me 'Ms. Polambal' (Ms. grumble). Guess that is what I am - a big crib-pot .... TCHA! What a stupid post!

2 comments:

subha said...

Hey Vidhya,
Life is always like that.

Even I was entitled as "Ms.Polambal". Till date, my friend remembers how during college days, I was feeling so low when I made a silly mistake in the exam and posed as if I shall flunk the exam. My dear friend was all there to console me as she felt she did the exam way better. In the end, I topped the class losing just half a mark. Now, we recall this incident and laugh our heart out, esp remembering the way my friend looked at me and my paper and then her paper.

Dont worry - "Today "polambals" will be tomorrow's delight" !!

Cheer up dear !

-Subha

Vidhya Rajesh said...

$$Subha - I can relate to what you said so clearly. When our exams got over, the first results that were posted was the "Fail list" And without fail every year, i would go to see that list with a sinking stomach; and inevitably would top each time ... My friends literally hated me for this :)) .... Guess it is natural for folks of our "Kind" .... I need to talk to you yaar ... so long since we spoke. will call u up sometime.